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Mar. 13th, 2011

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I've noticed the past couple of days that I'm starting to get very fed up with people and situations a lot more easily than before. It kind of started Thursday when I went out on a call for the Firehouse and I was told to "hurry up" by the driver of the ambulance because he felt 21 minutes was too long to spend on a PCR. Now normally I'd be fine with him telling me to hurry up but the PCR is a legal document and I'm still new to this and don't want to fuck up. So I talked to my Lieutenant about it and he said that they were taking care of it because one of the firefighters who works at the hospital we were at also spoke up and said something. I'm glad it's being taken care of but it really bothered me after the fact that the driver did that because it's embarrassing to have someone come in and try to hurry me along. And this past weekend I've been getting fed up with work. People aren't doing their jobs and then they get away with it and the managers don't say anything. I'm tired of being at the store all the friggin time and driving out to Commack five days out of the week and then having people complain to me that they don't have enough hours. I'm just getting very fed up with stupid crap from people I shouldn't be getting it from. I leave work and I run away from it.

But enough about the negative stuff. Good stuff that's been happening? I've been hanging out and getting closer to more people in the firehouse like Gabby, Bo, and Ginning. I see Ginning a lot and it's great hanging out with her. Gabby's an amazing person and so is Bo and they're great people to hang out with and nice to boot. Found out Scott doesn't date anyone from the firehouse which makes sense and I get it but that sucks for me. Haha. But whatever if it happens it happens if not that sucks. There will be other guys to crush over. Right now I just need to chill out wanting a boyfriend and just chill with some cool people at the firehouse.

Also derby started up again! And last night's bout was AMAZING! I had to keep track of penalties for the men's bout and HOLY CRAP I wanted to go out there and whack them all on the head for getting so many. It was insane and kinda threw me for a loop after not tracking penalties for so long! And then for the women's bout I was more then happy to do scoreboard and watch the bout. And the women's bout was sooooooooo close during the second half. We lost by one point and it was such a hard loss. C-Roll kept asking for one last jam. But she got a major penalty and got sent to the penalty box and that's how Connecticut won. But I'm so excited for ECE this year it's going to be amazing! And I'm going to Delaware and Vegas in April!! So stoked for my vacations you have no idea! But yea I have a lot to look forward to and it's going to be very interesting to see how things pan out in certain areas.

Jan. 21st, 2011

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My baby's back!!

I was awoken this morning at 3 by my mom who scared the crap outta me while she woke me up. But what she told me was probably the best news I have heard in a very long time. My kitty is back!! She showed up on the doorstep this morning when my Dad opened it to go shovel this morning. She started out a little skittish and she feels way too skinny but she's back! She's still a little skittish but I have my baby back. I'm so happy it's hard to explain.I'm hoping someone just took her in for the week and now she's back! I'm going to train her into becoming an indoor cat now and she's not going out anymore. I have my baby!!! :)

Aug. 4th, 2010

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Dec. 27th, 2009

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Sigh...

Men are retarded. If I tell you I have a boyfriend then you should stop talking to me about sex. If I tell you I don't want to talk about sex anymore you should stop pushing it. If I tell you I wouldn't want to sleep with you ever again you should stop trying to get me to sleep with you. I don't get it if I've told you repeatedly that I am NOT interested then why keep trying???? STUPID RETARDED MAN! Then the idiot gets offended when I tell him that I don't want to talk to him anymore. ARGH!!!! It's like dealing with a pissy little snot girl! Finally I got so fed up that I blocked him....maybe he'll stop being a snotty little girl now. I can only hope.

Nov. 23rd, 2009

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(no subject)

I told ya
I told ya
I told ya
Baby
Baby
Uh, uh
I told ya, baby
Uh-oh
I told ya, baby
Uh-oh
I told ya, baby
Uh-oh
I told ya, baby
Uh-oh
I told ya, baby
Uh-oh
I told ya

Got up in the club
Posted in the back
Feeling so good
Looking so bad

Rocking this skirt
Rocking this club
Got my middle finger up
I don't really give a f***

Rocking these diamonds
I'm rocking this chain
Make sure you get a picture
I'm rocking my fame

To be with you is
You gotta be what you are
The only thing I'm missing
Is a black guitar

I'm a rockstar
Hey baby
I'm a rockstar
Hey baby

Big city
Bright lights
Sleep all day
Up all night

Hey baby
I'm a rockstar
Hey baby
I'm a rockstar

Hey baby its..
Big cities
And bright lights
Sleep all day
Up all nights

Baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Hey, hey, hey

Six inch walker
Big sh** talker
I never play the victim
Id rather be a stalker


So baby take me in
Ill disobey the law
Make sure you frisk me good
Check my panties and my bra

Wildn out
A crazy house
With my white jacket on
Wont you come
And sign me out

To be with you is
You gotta be what you are
The only thing I'm missing
Is a black guitar

I'm a rockstar
Hey baby
I'm a rockstar
Hey baby

Big city
Bright lights
Sleep all day
Up all night

Hey baby
I'm a rockstar
Hey baby
I'm a rockstar

Hey baby its..
Big cities
And bright lights
Sleep all day
Up all nights

Baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Hey, hey, hey


Hey
I'm rocking out tonight
Cause I cant wait till tomorrow
I'm a live my whole life
In the night
Cause I aint got time to borrow
I'm rocking out tonight
Why wait till tomorrow
I'm a live my whole life
In the night

I'm a rockstar
Hey baby
I'm a rockstar
Hey baby

Big city
Bright lights
Sleep all day
Up all night

Hey baby
I'm a rockstar
Hey baby
I'm a rockstar

Hey baby its..
Big cities
And bright lights
Sleep all day
Up all nights

Baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Oh, baby I'm a
Hey, hey, hey

Every cd I listen to I always manage to find one song that jumps out at me immediately. And right now listening to Rihanna's Rated R cd I found the song "Rockstar 101" that just managed to jump out at me immediately. It's sung semi slow with a quicker beat behind it and the way it's sung with her soulful voice just catches my attention. I still have yet to listen to Lady Gaga's new cd and Shakira's. But right now Rihanna has my full attention with this one song so far.

I went to go see New Moon last night with Mike and I thought it was an okay movie, it wasn't horrible. But I can not stand Bella at all. Every time Kristen Stewart came onto the screen my skin crawled and I don't know if it's because of her acting or because of the character she portrayed. I found myself more interested in the back story of the werewolves or the back story to the Volturi. The werewolves were the main reason I went to go see the movie. And they had a movie preview before the coming attractions about the movie 'The Wolfman' which I want to go see so badly. But to talk about the Volturi, I want to know their back story because they were so much more interesting what was going on with Bella and Edward. There's a scene in the movie at the end of the Volturi part of the movie that peaked my interest in them. It's a creepy scene because of what goes on off screen more than what goes on on screen. But I am highly interested in the Volturi.

Werewolves, my ultimate supernatural creature that I love besides dragons. My first ideal experience with a novel based around werewolves was 'Kitty and the Midnight Hour' which I will have to pick up again because it's been awhile since I read the book. I remember loving the way the author described the pack life and how the werewolves transformed. I can't remember if they had the option to change at will or not. But my ideal werewolf would be one who could change at will and who had to at full moon. Mary explained to me that Meyer's werewolves changed at the trigger of a threat. Which is okay to me but in the movie that's the only reason they change and I think that's too far away from the werewolf legend for me. Being a lycanthrope is a curse and it should be viewed that way in the sense that they won't be able to control their change at a full moon. But it can also be a blessing in the sense that they are now stronger, and more swift and agile. There was another I remember loving about the werewolves in the 'Kitty' series, they loved rare meat. To me that spoke volumes for some reason. But I would love to find a book with werewolves in it that describes being a lycanthrope as a curse and blessing.

Nov. 22nd, 2009

shut up and write

Ellis Legacy Chapter 1

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Aug. 24th, 2009

Brain Loading

Cars and Dreams

So two weeks ago I saw this amazing car that kinda took my breath away when I saw it. And I cursed myself afterward cuz I couldn't see the model name since it was zipping in and out of traffic on the southern state two lanes over from me. I tried to explain it to Mary who my car guru but I did a horrible job of that so I went looking for it. And guess what! I found it. The pictures had the same affect on me as the actual car. It was a Pontiac Solstice with a spoiler on the back. Like this one...
Photobucket

I tend to go for the more curved or rounded cars i.e. my love for the VW bug(my dream car). But just like this one the Solstice and the Bug are more rounded than most cars so I apparently like rounded cars. :)

Now moving on to my reoccurring nightmare. Lately I haven't been able to remember my dreams but last week I had a reoccurring nightmare that kinda scared the beejeesus outta me. It starts off with me sitting on a camp bed in a gray brick bunker with at least ten other girls. We're all wearing gray dirty standard pajamas just sitting on our beds talking. Then a group of garishly made up women come in dressed in very bright costume dresses, much like the Victorian dresses. They've got makeup caked onto their face and one by one they come and grab each of us by the hair and drag us out the bunker into a communal shower room where they make us take scalding hot showers hitting us with horse whips if we try to get out of the water. Or they've got their hands in our hair gripping tightly to keep us under the water. Then we're dragged into a musty old changing area with vanity mirrors for each girl(like backstage at a Vegas show). They put just as much make up on us as they are wearing. Then they make us wear these disney character type costume dresses and I get paired up with an Alice in wonderland dress. Then they put us in this type of holding cell and each girl is slowly called out one by one, we can hear screaming from other rooms in the place and we can hear the muffle of an auction going on on the other side of the door where they call us from. That's when I have some sort of flashback where I am one of the girls that was just called. She gets shoved onto an old dusty stage and a spotlight is turned on her brightly and she can't see into the audience but the announcer starts the bidding on her and someone buys her. Then she is in this dirty hotel room and the guy who bought her is still shrouded in darkness and shoves her onto the bed rapes her and then kills her. I come back to my senses and start to panic. I run back to the first door we came through to get into the holding cell. It's unlocked so I get out of the holding cell and start running down the hallway into a large room with a big desk and an old man sitting in the chair behind it. I stop in my tracks and stare at him. He talks to me for a little bit 'You would've been our highest seller. But I am surprised you managed to figure it out and found your way out. I will let you go for now.' I don't say a word to him and rush out of the building onto a London street in my Alice in wonderland dress. When I look back the building is a nondescript townhouse and I can see the old man staring at me through the window ont he first floor.

Yea I was creeped out by this big time. It reminded me of Hostel and Saw.
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Jul. 13th, 2009

Brain Ninja

Beach Day!

Today was an awesome day. Woke up at around 7:50 this morning and just hung out in bed for a bit. Got up checked the email and stuff. Then around 12 I drove out to Mike's house hung out with him till 4 then we drove to I believe Short Beach? Which was a nice drive with all the windy curvy roads. And hung out with his friends on the beach bbqing it up and just chilling with them. Told Mike that I gotta get him a tan so we're planning on going back to the beach on Saturday next weekend and just bringing a picnic with us. :) And next Saturday I'm supposed to go to a party for my class and just hang out there. But we'll see what's going on. I kinda wanna bring Mike with me but I don't know how that'll work. But I had so much fun at the beach with Mike and his friends. It was just cool to talk and hang out with people. And I was the youngest one there...I kinda realized that half through the day and was just like 'cool.' I dunno it was weird but not really. Anyway I'm working on my tan again! Yay! I love the sun and my boyfriend. :)

Jun. 21st, 2009

Brain Loading

What animal would you consider your true animalself?

This was one of the many questions posed at me last night on my adventure with Mary and Jenn. And it's weird...I gave them the answer of an otter because otters are adorable and they're aquatic and I love the water in any shape or form. But now thinking about it...I don't know what animal I would be. I looked up cats because I love cats but they're all solitary animals and I'm not solitary anymore even though I can be I prefer to keep contact with someone through talking. And most species in the feline family are solitary creatures. Except for Lions. Lions can either be solitary Nomads who either travel alone or with a partner, or they can be Residents as in they live in a group called a pride. But yea I don't know of any animal that I would turn into as my true animalself. I'll have to look into it some more...

Jun. 9th, 2009

shut up and write

Weird...

Ummm...so yea. He's amazing! Haha, I mean we've been talking nonstop almost for nine days now and the conversation just hasn't stopped. Haha, I'm shocked and surprised that he's kept my interest for so long because usually I will get bored with conversation and just get quiet sometimes or just let the other person talk but it's different with him. I want to talk and I want to vent and I just I don't know. It's weird, we have this sort of connection that we both feel but it's just so weird. I've never had this with any other guy I've met so far and it's a special thing to me. It's a very special thing. Four more days until I meet him and we were talking about last night online and I want to date this guy. Like full on mushy coupley date him. And what's scary is that I can myself dating him like that and not having it get weird at all. That kinda scares me because I don't want to jump ahead of myself but then I want this bad. I want a relationship where I don't feel like I have to be perfect for him like I felt with Erwin. I want a relationship where it's just comfortable to be around him and not have to be on my a-game all the time. I want to have what my classmates have, the relationship where they're doing things with their boyfriend's family and they just have this connection with them. I want that. I'm also happy that I'm not getting 'clingy' with this guy which is good for me haha. I'm cool with just not knowing what he's doing for the night or weekend which I wanted to know what Erwin was doing a lot but with this guy it's different. :) I'm excited for Friday and so nervous haha. Nervous that it might not work out and I want it to and excited because now I get to meet him finally. Oh and he actually lives in Nesconset not Dix Hills I got that mixed up, he works in Dix Hills but lives in Nesconset.

I've become quite a popular girl lately haha. But that's only because Amanda is home from France for 2 weeks! Yay! Went and saw her last Friday night in Huntington and then Sunday went to her house for a sorta girls night with M.E., Sabrina, Mary, Amanda and Kelly. Kelly wound up leaving early but it was still good to see her again. But ya, we haha we talked about everything that night. And hopefully me, Amanda and Mary can meet up tomorrow night as well. And driving M.E. home Sunday night we bonded and it was awesome! I dunno it was just great talking and seeing her again. It was really awesome. I'm pretty busy this week which just tickles me pink I love it. I've got a run on Thursday night @ 7 with my sister/family. And then I'm meeting Mike on Friday night in Commack. And hopefully we'll be able to meet up this weekend as well cuz I really really like him haha.

Oh yesterday was horrible and I called it early yesterday morning haha. I was sick with a scratchy voice yesterday which got worse after working in the E.R. all day yesterday. It was bad because the techs in the E.R. yesterday didn't get up off their asses to go get the patients they made us do it all day. And now I don't mind going to get the patients but I'm tiny and have very little muscle to me so I hate driving stretchers down the hallway because I can't do it very well. And the techs just suck because they don't help. So I talked to Mike during lunch and he made me feel better about the day. But then fucking Erwin had to go and ruin that little happy bubble I was in! The idiot knew I was talking to Mike because I kept smiling and was happy. But he just had to pick at me right?! He asked if what I had with Mike was better than what we had when we were dating. And to be honest what I have with Mike is better than what I had with Erwin. So I told Erwin that and then I asked him why he wanted to know. Because really, why would he want to know!? He's got a girl himself so go be happy with her and leave me alone! I can be civil and nice and polite to him but that question just bugged me. He told me that it would help him but he didn't know how. WTF!?!?!? And then the idiot asked if we had started talking about sex yet. By that point I was just annoyed with him and gave him one word answers just to get him to stop talking about Mike with me. Because honestly, not a topic I want to be discussing with my ex thanks. Guys don't make sense! Well at least Erwin doesn't. But I'm over him completely now and I can tell because I don't go out of my way anymore to talk to him or to be considerate towards him and I won't initiate a conversation with him. And the idiot yesterday saw I was out in the office eating lunch talking to my sister on the phone and sat down next to me at the desk to study and talk!!!! WTF!?!?!?!?!?! I just don't understand him at all anymore and I can't wait to just graduate and not see him anymore. But yea I talked to Mike about all of that and he's cool with talking about my ex so he just made me feel so much better yesterday. Like completely and totally better.

:)

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